Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
