woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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