i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
