I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I believe in your delicious
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
