I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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