That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
how does that bad decision feel?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
