do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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