life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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