That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
