Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
