smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
