The maid of honor just puked.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
