You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
