wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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