i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
