I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I need moral support for this bender
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
