if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
