it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
