an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
