I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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