Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
