I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
