Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize