It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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