hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
