So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
