That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
