hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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