i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
