I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
