Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
