i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
