I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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