We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
