Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
