Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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