I am puke
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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