Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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