We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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