Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
