i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
