i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
