You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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