I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
