White coat. Heels.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There's a naked man in my car right now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
