I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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