so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
