I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
