I hate all girls vehemently.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
