remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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