dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
