I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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