u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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