??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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