is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
