physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i will never coherently bang her
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
