I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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