I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
