my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
