I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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