She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize