Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
