I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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