I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
