Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
