What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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