Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
