just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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