Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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