What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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