blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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