It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
