she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize